Safety Tips
It is important to me that this place feels like a safe place to hang out. That being said, the only way to make it 100% safe would be to never let a single person in, and that wouldn’t be very fun! These are some tips I hope you can use to find your own balance between safety and fun.
Choosing what you share
I’ll do my best to make this place feel comfortable and safe, but please remember that everything is ultimately open to anyone who makes a free account. You should assume that whatever you post here is available to be copied and archived across the Internet, and you never know when something might get screenshotted and go viral!
Doxxing yourself
Some people exist online using their real name and share personal details like their birthday or location. Some people prefer to preserve their anonymity almost completely. You might not care if people know who you are in real life, and that’s okay! Or you might consider anonymity an important matter of personal safety. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, here are some tips you may find helpful to prevent the things that happen here from tracing back to your real life.
The key to preventing doxxing is to be mindful that the little pieces of information you give away do not add up to something big. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle - a single piece doesn’t give away the whole picture, but if someone gets enough pieces then they can start to narrow down who you are.
By default, we already know that you have an internet connection and that you probably know at least some English. How many people of the 7-8 billion people on Earth does that already rule out?
Details like your time zone, age, and birthday can narrow things down even more.
Some good questions to be mindful of are:
- Does anything I share here link this account to other accounts on the Internet? What pieces of information do those accounts share, and what other accounts do they link to?
- If I’m sharing a picture, is there anything in the background that might hint at who/where I am? (I’ve had to crop my work ID out of so many pictures!)
Knowing when to take a break
We all have complicated lives, and sometimes running up against the complicated lives of other people can be a bit overwhelming. It’s perfectly okay to to step away for however long you need or want.
In my experience, the hard part is actually noticing when you need a break. These are some questions that help me:
- Does something just not feel right? Or do I just have a vague sense that I’m not being myself? Dysregulation can be really sneaky and sometimes it presents as a vague sense of wrong-ness.
- Is my body sending me signals? Am I getting a headache? Clenching my jaw? Is my heart racing? Sometimes my body knows something is wrong before I do.
- Am I reacting to something before I have time to think it through?
- Am I just plain mad, or scared, or unhappy? Do I feel tearful or flighty or am I starting to shut down?
If any of those things are happening, it’s probably a good time to excuse yourself so that you can take care of your needs. Really simple things like water, a snack, or a nap can help a lot! If you need help troubleshooting your brain, https://youfeellikeshit.com/ is a great tool.
While you’re away, try not to fret about what happened to make you feel that way. I know it can be really hard not to obsess over an interaction that went awry, but remember Moderators will assume good faith.
Knowing who owns your platform
Every website runs on someone’s computer. In our case, this website is hosted by Civilized Discourse Construction Kit, Inc. (CDCK) and it is administered by me, a_lilian. Unless you’re a big time crypto nerd who has done your homework, you should assume CDCK and I both have access to:
- Anything that you share here, including Direct Messages and Mail.
- The e-mail address linked to your account on this site.
- The IP address you use to contact this site’s server.
Your IP address can be used to roughly approximate your region in the world.
Do you trust CDCK and their business affiliates? You can read their privacy policy and hosting terms if you want to dig deeper into this topic.
Do you trust me? You can read this site’s privacy policy if you want to dig deeper into this topic.
- a_lilian