I dont want to vent too much about my hair, but honestly its a big source of dysphoria because I cant seem to tame it. I tried basically everything the stylists and people say I should. like was I never meant to have hair longer than grass?
3 Likes
If you’ve tried everything then I might be repeating a lot you’ve heard before. Careful how you sleep. Bonnets are good but I just tie up my hair like this and use a silk or microfiber pillowcase and that’s pretty much good enough. I like Skala conditioner and occasionally this stuff. I’ve been messing with oils recently because I’m trying to reduce frizz myself, haven’t found anything I’m super happy with yet. We’ve had some humid days recently that left me as a complete mess. Sometimes there’s nothing left to do but just tie it up.
3 Likes
I mean, our hair is curly (though not enough to bind like in an afro) using a de-tangling brush under a shower (carefully), using oil rather than conditioners / leave-on conditioners / hair cream / etc… right after shampooing, and not shampooing every day, are still our main recommendations!
Seriously, in our experience it makes the hair so much more smooth and pretty.
A friend of mine that has the kind of curls that bind has also been using oil and she’s really happy with the results so far as well!
4 Likes
thanks for the recommendations, I found some products I want to try out (detangling brush, hair oil, et) . my hair is super frizzy so avoiding dehydrating it and using hydrating products (and olive oil lol) will def help tame it.
2 Likes
long straight thick hair is a endless hassle to put into ponytails and buns. hair clips don't work, elastics either snag hair or glide down, and chopstick requires longer hair than i have [1]
I ranted about this to my mom... and she dug this out from a drawer. She used it in her 20s when she had really long hair. A cotton ribbon from a crafts store.
rounded ribbons dont work well [2]. I've been using flat shoelaces which work allright. But a proper flat wide ribbon works waay better than i anticipated. It's really secure and doesn't snag hairs much even being tied up.
Its darn cute!
When I'm by a fabric crafts store next time, I'll look into acquire one or two more in different colours.
9 Likes
I miss having bright red hair... and my teal green hair
But this is a recent picture. I wanna grow it to the FLOOR
12 Likes
)
Lucious locks!
2 Likes
Getting my hair styled tomorrow, but afterwards I might take up what a friend of mine has been suggesting and try styling it myself once it's done, but as it is now my hair has become an unmanageable mass of tangled tresses and split ends and I want a professional to go in and have a look.
And! For gender and sensory comfort reasons, I will likely go ahead and cut it shorter than usual - as of now it is at half the length of my back, but I intend to go with something shoulder-length to make it a bit easier to manage (and, hopefully, easier for me to style as it grows back). The only reason I've kept it so long is because I am rather fearful of cutting it shorter - which fits my idealized-self-image a bit more - is because I worry about experiencing some degree of dysphoria if I were to simply cut it short - but thankfully I was referred to a very queer-friendly salon by a local friend, so I can get my hair styled and dyed by professionals who are used to working with people with similar expectations and anxieties than I do - if nothing else, it will be easier to approach them and ask for a “princely tomboyish look that is also not a sensory nightmare like my hair is at the moment” than it would be somewhere else.
... I do wish it was cheaper, though. The length of my hair means a salon stylist will charge... Quite a bit. Thankfully, a partner is willing to foot the bill for this and my pre-con hair removal in preparation for next week’s events. I have a friend who is great about styling her own hair, so I will definitely be looking for her advice once I am at a point where I feel like I need to trim down. As a funny twist of things, I will at least have a chance to practice before committing to doing it on my own hair, since I need to style a wig for next week (oh gosh, I need to look into that already… Procrastination…)
Here's hoping it goes okay! Will report results in a couple of days. 
13 Likes
2 Likes
Very nice!
That is still pretty long. I do suggest specifying the ability to put up in pony-tail as a requirement. (I've made that mistake before)
There is a zone in-between short hair and long hair, where it's long enough to be annoyingly stubborn about being in the face, yet not long enough to use the shoulders or elastic strap to keep it back. For me that zone stops around shoulder length, and going shorter becomes a perpetual sensory agony until i reach short-hair territory where it becomes all-right again.
I think the range differs between hair properties (my hair is slippery and straight, making elastics slip easily) and if you have bangs or just all-around long hair. But it's worth mentioning, as one can tend to forget how annoying that period is after having had long hair for enough time.
2 Likes
Hmm... Giving it some thought and modeling in the mirror makes me think you might be right - I think something like chin-length might be best - or perhaps a smidge below the chin (gosh, it is so annoying how hair springs back after you're done cutting it! It feels as though I need some manner of precognition to see how it will actually look most days).
As much as I enjoy ponytails from an aesthetic point of view, my current middle-part-into-ponytail cut feels more cumbersome than anything; I am wanting something that does not need as much wrangling on a daily basis, with lesser risk of getting onto my face at annoying and inopportune times.
Appointment is tomorrow, so... Here's hoping!
4 Likes
Success! I went to a salon to get my hair styled today. It was a mixed experience, but I am quite happy with the results even if they might come across as nothing remarkable to an outside observer. >ᴗ<
The stylist was very receptive to my scattershot suggestions on what I wanted - I thought I came prepared, I had an idea of how I wanted my hair, I had a few photos to share, but unfortunately I ran into an all too common enemy - I had to actually explain, out loud, using my words, how I wanted my hair done, which was harder than I anticipated, and I found myself auto-piloting to asking for, basically, the cut I already had, but shorter (˶˃⤙˂˶) Thankfully I was able to course-correct into what I had in mind - I suspect the stylist has experience with just this sort of situation, so she was very patient in helping me come up with a plan of action. She was very thorough about checking in with me as we went, and we made adjustments on the fly.
The actual process of cutting it was... Sensory hell (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) I've rarely ever spent more than half an hour at a hair salon, usually all I'll do is get it trimmed down (x) inches each time, but today the goal was to style it in a way that would be different to how I usually cut it - my main goals were to (1) cut it at chin level, whereas previously hair went down to my chest in the front and the lower back from behind, (2) style it in a way that would be both complimentary to my face shape and (3) attempting to integrate bangs into my hairstyle; all of which made the process take a total of two and a half hours (mostly due to the downright absurd amounts of hair I had had to lose in order to get it to "chin length"). What's more, the establishment was quite small, and there were two other stylists working on two other clients next to me, the one working directly next to our station was extremely... Animated, and quite loud in conversation - I don't want to come off as a grouch, I mean, I'm glad they and their clients were having a good time, but the combination of both the sensory-torment of getting my hair cut and the overstimulating loud conversation happening next to me was incredibly stressful - add to that the fact that there was a dog belonging to one of the stylists, and I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time (╥﹏╥) Kind of ironically, a large amount of the conversation happening next to me was about sensory overload and over-stimulation at local supermarkets and convenience stores, because everyone is just so very loud... I don't want to be mean, since I am also autistic in the "hard to regulate volume when excited" way, but I still found it kind of grating overall, and I did not appreciate the irony. (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
The results, however, were definitely worth the sensory torment. The cut came out a lot fluffier than I had originally anticipated in the end, apparently when cut shorter my hair naturally forms wavy curls, which works great in adding texture on the sides and making the bangs naturally move out of the way of my field of view with the added help of my glasses (which I refuse to take off, because not having them on makes me feel an unmanageable level of background mental distress at the lack of sensory input over the bridge of my nose).
For context, up until now I have always worn my hair in a very tight ponytail or bun behind my head, and usually with two tassels going down to my chin (see figure 2) - I like the look, however, this has the downside of having the front hair move a lot in uncontrollable ways, and get stuck on my face, my cheeks, or my nose, which causes my brain short circuit (>﹏<) I don't think there's anything I hate more than the feeling of hair poking my cheeks or my nose, and it brushing up against them is also quite sensory-negative. the only solution I found to this problem was to tie the entire thing in a ponytail, which in turn causes my dysphoria to skyrocket, since it just looks like my hair is much, much shorter than it actually is.
Now, when trying bangs I had two major concerns - firstly, the chance that they might just not look good, I've seen a lot of people whose bangs are too thin, and emphasize their hairline shape, and this thought is what kept me from experimenting with bangs for many years; after all, if it goes wrong, it is a months-long wait for them to grow out to a point where they would look passable again, or where I could reintegrate them to the rest of my hair. This didn't happen, which was good. My second concern was that bangs would be unpleasant to feel, because I have never had hair that can touch or rub up against my forehead before. This... Is weird, I've discovered that, as mentioned before, hair poking or rubbing my cheeks or my nose is unpleasant, but my forehead... Does not appear to be, or at least it is below a certain threshold where I am able to tolerate, and in fact I believe it might be an overall sensory-positive experience, kind of how I have to wear glasses or gloves or I feel a passive anxiety debuff take effect over me. There have been times in the past hours since the haircut where I have been alert about the presence of hair covering and touching my forehead, but so far it feels more like a curious sensation I am willing to experience further rather than something negative that I need to remove. I will continue to experiment with this and see whether this is a good-or-neutral sensation or if over time it might become a distraction and I might feel better without it - thankfully, I discussed it with my stylist, and she made a good point about keeping the part I used to have for the back, and cutting the bangs in such a way that I would be able to split them down the same part and simply sweep the bangs aside, which itself is a look I find very appealing - I have to wonder if perhaps I will default to this not for comfort reasons, but for simple aesthetic preference.
On my way back I discovered a fun little thing happens when I wear hats, however (and I am known to be a hat-enjoyer). It appears that the bangs get pushed all the way down to seemingly cover my eyes. Now, normally, this would be a nightmare, since I'd have hair poking directly into my eyes, the area where it feels the worst... But! As I am fond of glasses and never go outside without wearing either sunglasses or empty bottle frames, they push the hair forward, so that I don't actually feel the hair at all. It is... Not ideal, since it does greatly reduce my field of view and makes it harder to see what's ahead but I can't pretend I don't find the effect very genderhappy. I was standing by the door on the tram on the way home later, in the middle of the night, and I recall someone getting genuinely jump-scared by me simply standing there as a black shadow with no eyes.
Some other interesting effects of completely altering the way my hair works have been that it appears to be that I no longer recognize myself in the mirror. My perception of myself has not seemed to update yet, so it takes me a while for me to see that, yes, indeed, the entity staring back at me from beyond the barrier of glass and silver is, in fact, a reflection of the flesh machine which houses my consciousnesses. Also, I am experiencing a sort of phantom-limb sensation with the long ponytail that was towards the back of my head, as I keep over-compensating when brushing it, and I keep trying to run my fingers through it for stimming purposes only for it to run out immediately, causing an alert in my mind.
I do love the way it came out - it's fluffy and versatile, I can style it to look messier and more androgyne or make it neater and give off a tomboyish, princely look (I was tempted to ask the stylist to "make it look Princely", yet courage failed me and I could not say it... The partner that was there as emotional support did agree, I managed to steer the cut into a very shoujo-ai princely look). I am very excited to style these bangs myself as they grow out again, and I am interested in trying to integrate some of my prior hairstyle into the front of this one - perhaps I can let a few locks of hair grow out so they frame the face a bit better.
And... I just feel really Gender about this whole situation! I feel as though I achieved what I was trying to achieve, even if the result wasn't one-to-one to the mental model I had created of what it would look like in the end. Though the cost was... More than I'd be willing to put down on a monthly basis, I think I am satisfied enough to maintain my hair myself and return in about six months, even if it means braving the sensory onslaught of the actual location... Maybe next time I can ask for earplugs?
... I recognize that this is a... Very silly thing to go into this much detail about - Take away my obsessive over-analysis and this is essentially "I got a haircut today :)" but it does feel really, really nice to finally have come to a style that both compliments the way I want to look with some of the sensory needs I feel like I either wasn't meeting or was overcompensating for in my previous cuts. I'm very excited about this ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾ so I ask that you forgive me for the wall of text, and thank you for your time and attention if you managed to read through this entire ramble.
14 Likes
The last picture was from new years. my hair was matted and a birb nest, I tied it up like a samurai and got compliments. But it really needed to be taken care of
I got help last night. I was too distorted faced to really function. It's been a rough few months. But they de knotted for 40 minutes and I feel way better
14 Likes