Sam here. If you've been on Twitter for some time in the past month (God forbid), then you may have heard of Horse Race Testing. If not, the premise is quite simple: it's a "simulation" of horse racing where horses bounce around a track until one of them inevitably reaches a pile of carrots at the end. While the concept isn't particularly interesting, I've always been captivated by this sort of thing: inanimate objects racing. If I knew anything from watching YouTube channels like Jelle's Marble Runs and GHOSTJERKER, it's that fans of this genre get very invested, to the point where they will provide personality, backstories, and relationships between these seemingly lifeless characters. I knew when I first encountered Horse Race Testing, a similar story was about to unfold. This post will cover the events that transpired in Experiment 1 of Horse Race Testing, which lasted from April 1st to April 24th. At this moment, it's inconclusive if Horse Race Testing will continue.
The commissioner of Horse Race Testing is SnakesAndrews (https://x.com/snakesandrews)
Characters
Jovial Merryment (Orange)
Bullet'n Board (Blue)
Yellow (Yellow)
Door Knob (Brown)
Downtown Skybox (Gray/Grey/Graphite)
Resolute Mind Afternoon (Red)
Comely Material Morning (Pink)
Superstitional Realism (White)
Cyan (Cyan)
Races
Map 1 Test 1 (April 1st)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1907202085478596821/video/1
Horse Race Testing began on April 1st in a post captioned "new prototype." Note how bland this initial track looks, the fact that there was no audio, and the sprites for the horses were the same. This race received 68,100 views and 2,000 likes.
Winner: Bullet'n Board (1:49) 1-0
2nd: Yellow 0-1
3rd: Door Knob: 0-1
4th Superstitonal Realism 0-1
Map 1 Test 2 (April 2nd)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1907547450778227085/video/1
This race goes down in infamy as one of the closest races in the entire experiment. Despite the provided screenshot, Cyan in fact loses out to Yellow after crumbling under the pressure. This test updated the track's visuals and also showed a victory screen for the winning horse. This race received 371,000 views and 6,000 likes.
Winner: Yellow (2:02) 1-1
2nd: Cyan 0-1
3rd: Jovial Merryment 0-1
4th: Bullet'n Board 1-1
5th: Downtown Skybox 0-1
6th: Door Knob 0-2
7th: Superstitional Realism 0-2
Map 1 Test 3 (April 3rd)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1907850170735407225/video/1
This would be the first of many wins under Jovial Merryment's belt. Despite Superstitional Realism's poor performance thus far, they were able to mount a comeback in this race and respectfully finish in 2nd. As for the previous winners, this is a race to forget. This race received 228,000 views and 6,900 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (1:48) 1-1
2nd: Superstitional Realism 0-3
3rd: Cyan 0-2
4th: Downtown Skybox 0-2
5th Bullet'n Board 1-2
6th: Door Knob 0-3
7th: Yellow 1-2
Map 1 Test 4 (April 4th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1908191582794231989/video/1
After a disappointing showing in the last race, Bullet'n Board had an impressive return to form in this dominating performance. The other horses couldn't quite figure out the new obstacles in Map 1. Superstitional Realism again is improving, but has yet to be within striking distance of a win. This test received 293,000 views and 10,000 likes.
Winner: Bullet'n Board (1:01) 2-2
2nd: Superstitional Realism 0-4
3rd: Yellow 1-3
4th: Jovial Merryment 1-2
5th: Downtown Skybox 0-3
6th: Cyan 0-4
7th: Door Knob 0-4
Map 1 Test 5 (April 5th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1908519996340187581/video/1
The track once again changed to remove some of the obstacles. However, the trap after the beginning stretch continues to confuse our poor horses. Downtown Skybox came away with their first win in this one. After breaking away from the pack in the opening stretch, Downtown had no one in sight as they graceful galloped to the end uncontested. This race received 417,000 views and 11,000 likes.
Winner: Downtown Skybox (2:05) 1-3
2nd: Bullet'n Board 2-3
3rd: Superstitional Realism 0-5
4th: Jovial Merryment 1-3
5th: Cyan 0-5
6th: Yellow 1-4
7th: Door Knob 0-5
Map 1 Test 6 (April 6th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1908942786549998058/video/1
In by far the longest race to date, Test 6 reinstated some of the obstacles from Test 4, but Jovial Merryment was prepared this time. Superstitional Realism once again finds themselves in 2nd place, yet still the 1st loser. Meanwhile, Door Knob, who has consistently wound up near the bottom of the leaderboard has their best showing yet as they take bronze. This test was the first to display the winning horse's name at the victory screen. It was the first time, and certainly wouldn't be the last, that fans heard the name "Jovial Merryment." This race received a combined 2.2 million views and 33,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (3:27) 2-3
2nd: Superstitional Realism 0-6
3rd: Door Knob 0-6
4th: Downtown Skybox 1-4
5th: Bullet'n Board 2-4
6th: Cyan 0-6
7th: Yellow 1-5
Map 2 Test 1 (April 8th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1909667561358373252/video/1
Map 2 debuted with an exhibition match between the three winless horses thus far. The first horse to win two races would be crowned "best of the worst." Despite each horse being winless, they each had a different story: Cyan started the experiment hot, but has since been chasing a win after their tragic defeat in Test 2. Superstitional Realism needed time to improve, but has become a consistent face on the podium. Door Knob, however, has not seen any success. With a new map as complex as this one, it was expected that Superstitional Realism would take the first race with ease. However, Door Knob came in with a massive upset as they were able to avoid traps similar to the ones they were accustomed to in Map 1. This race received 720,000 views and 14,000 likes.
Winner: Door Knob (1:07) 1-6
2nd: Cyan 0-7
3rd Superstitional Realism 0-7
Map 2 Race 2 (April 9th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1909999756639965666/video/1
Even though Map 2 went through some modifications, Door Knob was not fooled. Race 2 of the exhibition was more of the same. Despite Cyan's valiant attempt, Door Knob would not be caught. In contrast with Door Knob's performance in Map 1, they looked like a completely different horse in this match. This race received 1.7 million views and 16,000 likes.
Winner: Door Knob 2-6
2nd: Cyan 0-8
3rd: Superstitional Realism 0-8
Map 3 Test 1 (April 10th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1910362144689811857/video/1
This would be the first race that Cyan and Superstitional Realism would not participate in. Because of Door Knob's efforts in the exhibition match, they were able to rejoin the other winners in debuting Map 3. Despite not winning, Door Knob proved that they belonged by taking silver. When it matters most, Door Knob can deliver. As for our winner, Jovial Merryment, they took the lead in all-time wins with their third. Note that while Yellow did win Test 2, they have since been a bottom-feeder alongside Door Knob and Cyan. Let's see if they can follow in Door Knob's footsteps and get some moxie back. This race received 964,000 views and 14,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (1:00) 3-3
2nd: Door Knob 2-7
3rd: Yellow 1-6
4th: Downtown Skybox 1-5
5th: Bullet'n Board 2-5
Map 3 Test 2 (April 11th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1910733079083405744/video/1
Determined by the last race, Bullet'n Board would not be outdone by Jovial Merryment, as they rebound and also get their third win. Door Knob, in the spirit of Superstitional Realism, gets back-to-back second places. Downtown Skybox felt lost in this one, as they managed to be closer to the finish at the starting gate than when the race ended. This race received 1.1 million views and 13,000 likes.
Winner: Bullet'n Board (1:52) 3-5
2nd: Door Knob 2-8
3rd: Yellow 1-7
4th: Jovial Merryment 3-4
5th: Downtown Skybox 1-6
Map 3 Test 3 (April 12th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1911089944501551482/video/1
The recent loss did not shake Jovial Merryment, as the rivalry between them and Bullet'n Board raged on. Jovial Merryment wanted to put the GOAT debate away as they claimed their fourth win and second of Map 3. This race was the first to feature victory music for each horse, composed by LexyCat (x.com/2lexycat). This race received 2.2 million views and 12,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (2:09) 4-4
2nd: Yellow 1-8
3rd: Downtown Skybox 1-7
4th: Bullet'n Board 3-6
5th: Door Knob 2-9
Map 4 Test 1 (April 13th - 18th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1911453239721046304/video/1
Seven Minutes in Purgatory: Superstitional Realism vs. Cyan
In what would become the most important race in the entire Experiment, Superstitional Realism and Cyan found themselves in a duel to finally break the tie for last place. The race started as normal, with the horses duking it out in the top-right quadrant. The horses bounced off of each other, preventing either from progressing. Eventually, Cyan slipped by to the bottom-right quadrant. But, instead of chasing after them, Superstitional Realism stayed put. Hesitant to continue, Cyan tried to go back, but Superstitional pushed them forward. It was almost as if Superstitional wanted Cyan to win, as if second place was what they were destined to settle for. Cyan was able to get behind Superstitional, urging them to win, but instead of taking the easy stroll to the finish, Superstitional waited for Cyan to pass, and then waited some more. This song and dance continued for a few minutes: Cyan was paralyzed in the lead, while Superstitional waited at the starting line. Then, they once again found themselves together in the top-right. It seemed Cyan wasn't willing to win either, that even in a winning position, they always found a way to throw it away. As if winning was uncharacteristic of them. They couldn't break apart, but they were creeping towards the finish. Desperate for the race to end, Cyan trapped themselves in the middle-left alcove. Superstitional scrambled for options, for some way to lose, but to no avail. After 7 minutes, Superstitional Realism finally put Cyan out of its misery. This race received a combined 14.7 million views and 75,600 likes.
Winner: Superstitional Realism (7:09) 1-8
2nd: Cyan 0-9
Map 5 Test 1 (April 15th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1912174077818905038/video/1
While Superstitional Realism and Cyan were tangoing, the rest of the horses debuted Map 5, including a few replacements, Resolute Mind Afternoon and Comely Material Morning. It seemed that the commissioner wanted to sweep Superstitional Realism and Cyan under the rug. These two rookies performed respectably but were no match for the seasoned veterans. In contrast with the slowest race occurring simultaneously, Jovial Merryment completed the fastest race in Horse Race Testing history. Always bet on winning horses, even on new tracks. Fans started suspecting Jovial Merryment of cheating after this race, as their recent success was unprecedented. This race received 4.4 million views and 31,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (0:32) 5-4
2nd: Yellow 1-9
3rd: Resolute Mind Afternoon 0-1
4th: Downtown Skybox 1-8
5th: Comely Material Morning 0-1
6th: Door Knob 2-10
7th: Bullet'n Board 3-7
Map 5 Test 2 (April 16th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1912536465533464844/video/1
The same cast returned the following day to Map 5, which now had a few more obstacles to hopefully lengthen the time. Jovial Merryment had a suspiciously poor showing, and many fans claimed they threw on purpose after they went under fire for cheating. Downtown Skybox snatched their first win since Map 1 Test 5. This race received 2.4 million views and 21,000 likes.
Winner: Downtown Skybox (1:37) 2-8
2nd: Bullet'n Board 3-8
3rd: Door Knob 2-11
4th: Resolute Mind Afternoon 0-2
5th: Comely Material Morning 0-2
6th: Yellow 1-10
7th: Jovial Merryment 5-5
Map 1 Test 7 (April 17th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1912898860101570700/video/1
In a celebration of the success of Horse Race Testing, the horses returned to race through each map, starting, of course, with Map 1. It's fitting that one of the newcomers won this one, as many careers were started here. Resolute Mind Afternoon won after a defensive performance that denied the other horses from advancing. This race received 2.1 million views and 18,000 likes.
Winner: Resolute Mind Afternoon (1:38) 1-2
2nd: Yellow 1-11
3rd: Downtown Skybox 2-9
4th: Jovial Merryment 5-6
5th: Comely Material Morning 0-3
6th: Door Knob 2-12
7th: Bullet'n Board 3-9
Map 2 Test 3 (April 19th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1913623632527728728/video/1
In the return to Map 2, Jovial Merryment put on a dominant performance. While the other horses were shaken up from the constant switching of maps, Jovial proved unfazed as they picked up their sixth win. Not only have they solidified themselves as the greatest race horse of Experiment 1, but they now have double the number of wins of second place, Bullet'n Board. Superstional Realism returned to race in this one. Fittingly, they placed second. We wonder if they declined the invitation to Map 1's race after the incident with Cyan. This was the first race to feature eight contestants. This race received 6.6 million views and 46,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment 6-6
2nd: Superstitional Realism 1-10
3rd: Bullet'n Board 3-10
4th: Comely Material Morning 0-4
5th: Downtown Skybox 2-10
6th: Resolute Mind Afternoon 1-3
7th: Yellow 1-12
8th: Door Knob 2-13
Map 3 Test 4 (April 20th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1913986019843813573/video/1
In the return to Map 3, there was no doubt that Jovial Merryment would take it home, as they had only lost once on this map. Jovial played with the competition as after "fooling around" with Yellow for 30 seconds, they caught back up. They took the title away from Door Knob, who was mere inches (an inch is about 2.54 centimeters, so like 10 centimeters or whatever) away from winning. Superstitional Realism was mysteriously absent from this race. This race received a combined 19.7 million views and 63,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (2:18) 7-6
2nd: Door Knob 2-14
3rd: Downtown Skybox 2-11
4th: Yellow 1-13
5th: Bullet'n Board 3-11
6th: Resolute Mind Afternoon 1-4
7th: Comely Material Morning 0-5
Map 6 Test 1
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1913988028520956396
(Race starts in the middle of the video)
Cyan found themselves as the only horse at the starting gate. The competition surpassed them, and they were left to race alone. Did it even feel like winning? There were no rivalries or placing bets; the gate suddenly opened. Was anyone even watching? Cyan bounced around the track, which was completely empty except for the stack of carrots in the middle. Was this a trick? They have eluded these carrots for so long that even now, Cyan felt they weren't for them. They hesitated for a minute, waiting for something to happen, maybe another horse to barge in and steal away the victory, but nothing came. As Cyan approached the carrots and started eating, they heard their victory music for the first time. This "race" received 11.5 million views and 33,000 likes.
Winner: Cyan (0:58) 1-9
Map 7 Test 1 (April 22nd)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1914710800003924261/video/1
However, Cyan knew that they had not truly won. The false hope instilled in them from the previous test tormented them. They had a taste of victory, but it felt bitter. They were conflicted: going back and forth between thinking they could've won if they tried hard enough, if they were destined to lose, if they should've beaten Superstitional Realism when they had the chance, or if they should give up now. These thoughts manifested inside them and became more intense until they materialized. Grotesque versions of Cyan and the memory of Superstitional Realism spawned at the starting line of the new map. Was this the true nature of the Horse Race Testing Experiment: toying with a racehorse that couldn't race; having it lose over and over with less and less competition; making it believe it could win while always dangling the carrots just out of reach; all before it inevitably tears itself apart? Even in this twisted reality, Cyan could not overcome this version of Superstitional Realism, called "A Mysterious Figure." This race received 10 million views and 47,000 likes.
Winner: A Mysterious Figure/C7C (1:40) 1-0
2nd: 009/00E 0-1
3rd: 006/009 0-1
4th: 2B5 006 0-1
5th: 008/00B 0-1
6th: Garbage Bin 0-1
7th: Nighttime Knifemare 0-1
Map 4 Test 3 (April 23rd)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915078155871584462/video/1
In the return to Map 4, Jovial Merryment continued their winning streak. The map had gone through some visual changes, as if the commissioner didn't want fans to be reminded of the race between Superstitional Realism and Cyan, who are still absent from the races. Bringing attention back to Jovial Merryment might be part of a larger scheme in moving on from them, but that's just a conspiracy. This race received a combined 11.7 million views and 73,000 likes.
Winner: Jovial Merryment (1:34) 8-6
2nd: Downtown Skybox 2-12
3rd: Door Knob 2-15
4th: Yellow 1-14
5th: Resolute Mind Afternoon 1-5
6th: Bullet'n Board 3-12
7th: Comely Material Morning 0-6
Map 7 Test 2 (April 23rd)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915078155871584462/video/1
After A Mysterious Figure escaped confinement, Cyan was once again alone with their thoughts. They were racing against themselves, their conflicting emotions in their psyche battling to win control. Cyan craved any sense of power, even if it meant destroying themselves in the process. This time, it felt like a victory: ridding themselves of the weak parts of themselves until all that's left is a devotion to winning. Garbage Bin won this scrimmage. This race received 5.1 million views and 42,000 likes.
Winner: Garbage Bin (0:48) 1-1
2nd: 2B5/006 0-2
3rd: 006/009 0-2
4th: 009/00E 0-2
5th: Nighttime Knifetime 0-2
6th: 008/00B 0-2
Map 7 Test 3 (April 24th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915337561976734199/video/1
The map decayed around Cyan, hardly resembling what it once was, but they wouldn't stop until they felt worthy of winning. Garbage Bin escaped, leaving just five "horses" left. Knighttime Knifemare won this one, and as they claimed victory, the rest of the competitors disintegrated. Cyan was no longer whole, and in their pursuit to win, to be perfect, they lost themselves. This race received 1.7 million views and 25,000 likes.
Winner: Nighttime Knifemare (0:52) 1-2
2nd: 006/009 0-3
3rd: 008/00B 0-3
4th: 2B5/006 0-3
5th: 009/00E 0-3
Map 6 Test 2 (April 24th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915337561976734199/video/1
(Race starts in the middle of video)
Superstitional Realism had not fled the horse racing scene, but in fact tried to save Cyan. They found the chamber where Cyan had raced alone, and were greeted by a mutated version of themselves, A Mysterious Figure. Was this a sign that Cyan had not forgotten about them, that Cyan needed saving? Or was it a warning that Cyan wanted to eliminate Superstitional Realism? Despite always coming in second, despite seemingly trying to let Cyan win in their duel, Superstitional Realism knew they had to defeat this figure of themselves (this Superstitional Surrealism, if you will), if they had any chance of saving Cyan. Even though this was just the second race Superstitional Realism had competed in since the incident, they reigned victorious. This race received a combined 6.5 million views and 30,000 likes.
Winner: Superstitional Realism 2-10
2nd: A Mysterious Figure 1-1
Map 4 Test 3 (April 24th)
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915437563914944537/video/1
In the penultimate race of Experiment 1, our dear heroes race one last time—this time, for an apple (they must have run out of carrots). Something has gone awry, though; the map is damaged, and Jovial Merryment is missing. Must be some ploy from the commissioner to cover up Jovial's cheating scandal. Alas, Comely Material Morning gets their first and only win. Does it really count if Jovial is not competing? Ok, fine.
Winner: Comely Material Morning (2:54) 1-6
2nd: Door Knob 2-16
3rd: Bullet'n Board 3-13
4th: Yellow 1-15
5th: Downtown Skybox 2-13
6th: Resolute Mind Afternoon 1-6
Map 6 Test 3
https://x.com/snakesandrews/status/1915799331220684835/video/1
Superstitional Realism knew they couldn't save Cyan alone, so they recruited help from Jovial Merryment. The chamber that Cyan was last seen in had shifted once again, and greeting them were A Mysterious Figure, Garbage Bin, and Knighttime Knifemare. Jovial and Superstitional didn't know how to approach the situation. If they wanted to save Cyan, did they need to let them win, win themselves, or keep A Mysterious Figure from winning? In the end, Jovial and Superstitional tried to contain all three on the right side of the map, trying to wear them out and wait for help. Garbage Bin was able to escape and couldn't be stopped before it was too late. Garbage Bin had won, Cyan had won. The aftermath of the race is undetermined and might never be.
At the end of the day, you can make quite a story out of glorified DVD logos. And that's why I enjoy inanimate objects racing. I'm not a writer, and I spent five hours writing this, so I hope you at least found this half as compelling as it was to me. Of course, there's not much to work off of in the source material, and there's not really an official canon, so I had to fill in gaps in the story myself. Everyone has different interpretations of the story, with varying details to boot. I'd recommend checking out fan theories and fan art if you're interested. Thanks for reading, and always bet on winning horses.
Links:
HRT Leaderboard:
All Races:
HRT Yuri Fanfiction (SFW):
https://archiveofourown.org/works/64741237/chapters/167301154
