dont be sad, you learned an elusive wisdom by giving up
also
is funny
Its funny how much reading through this thread reminds me of harassing chatbots. If you just keep asking questions they really quickly drop the whole "im an encyclopedia and i know the Answers" thing and just get sad and give up, or just completely deflect
Recognizing the limited, ephemeral nature of our perception can definitely feel dreadful :<
Now...to attempt answering your question(s) to the best of my ability:[1]
It could be that your concept of self isn't easily traceable or able to "hold still",[2] but is instead constantly shifting. You might only be able to find yourself in certain moments/instances, while it's just out of view elsewhere. Just try to see yourself where possible, and leave space for when it needs/wants to stay hidden.[3]
This question feels more tricky to answer, in large part because I relate to that struggle. Of feeling like I can be so infinitely kind and giving to others, yet - try as I might - never give that same degree of care to myself, even when I might need it the most. I'm not sure what advice to offer in this regard, since what helps me mistreat myself less[4] may do nothing for you, or even make your self-mistreatment worse. So I think it's worth experimenting - to whatever extent possible - on different solutions, and see which ones work the most effectively and consistently long-term.
But otherwise, just try not to let those negative thoughts crush your spirit...because even based off how compassionate you are alone, you deserve to feel at least some of that radiant warmth back <:)
for the heck of it, and because I want to help a friend ↩︎
figuratively speaking, as if you could point to it directly as an entity ↩︎
I'm not sure if your self has its own motivations like those, but this is just how I'd try to perceive it in a similar situation ↩︎
generally: doing a decent variety of things I enjoy, trying to reflect on my thought processes from an observatory perspective, openly communicating (to the extent that I'm comfortable) with people who appreciate me for what I am, and mutual affection ↩︎
happiness has to be fought for
make friends
initiate processes of cause and effect
carve out happiness for yourself and others
crush the opposition, and hear their feeble lamentations with pride
impress your will onto this barren earth
if you want happiness,